The First Step into Fulfilling Love
Robert J. Stemberg, proposed a theory of love as a triangular formation, made of 1. Friendship (what he described as intimacy), 2. Passion, and 3. Commitment.
Intimacy is the feeling of closeness, connectedness, and bonding.
Passion is feelings of arousal and sexual consummation.
Commitment is the decision that one loves the other and is committed to them and their relationship.
According to Sternberg, an expert on love, the strongest most abundant type of love is consummate love, which consists of all three components acting together.
The interesting thing about Stemberg’s theory is that he invites us into a full experience of consummate love that can only happen is we find a person with whom we can experience friendship, passion, and commitment AT THE SAME TIME!. This, more often than not, presents as an expectation that slowly finds its way into learned helplessness when we don’t find it, or we don’t get it with our significant other. Nonetheless, little has was said about the very old knowledge that it is only in the experience of self-love that we can experience authentic love with others.
So, what about if we dared to explore… the possibility of a relationship where we can begin by answering these three questions: am I fully committed to myself? Am I passionate about who I am in all the parts of me, including my mind, my body, and my heart? And am I truly a loyal and dear friend to myself?
Because it is ONLY in the ability to answer an Absolute “YES” to each of these three questions, that the possibility of experiencing that consummate love with someone else becomes realistic!