A Quick Guide to Developing Self-Love
In our current society, we have heard a million times that developing a loving relationship with yourself is the foundation to receiving any kind of love with others. However, we rarely hear how to do that. Let’s explore a few simple ways that we can start developing that precious relationship. Most of all let’s remember that self-love is not just about boundaries, bubble baths, and good food. Self-love is a lot deeper than that!
Look at yourself in the mirror and start falling in love with the image. Many times, looking in the mirror is a search for imperfection and an experience of self-judgment and criticism. What if when you approached the mirror you knew that you are facing the image of the person you are responsible to love into wholeness. Reconnect with self-love by consciously peaking in the mirror, looking tenderly into your own eyes, and looking at your image as when you look at someone that you would not ever abuse in any way. Discover that the one in the image is the one that has always been there waiting for you to love, respect, and celebrate. When you look in the mirror, love yourself more…not less.
When you feel irritated or offended by someone’s behaviour towards you, take back your power by making it about you instead of overthinking about the other person or why they hurt you. Ask yourself “what about my history or my perception did they trigger”. Then indulge in loving that part of you that needs tenderness and healing. Who cares about the person that targeted you? When you have yourself to focus on, support, and care for. When you are triggered, love yourself more…not less!
Bathe, pamper, and celebrate you! Pampering self-care is not about those things we do for pleasure and comfort, but instead, it is about the way we relate to ourselves while doing them. Ask yourself “how would I feel if someone I love was treating me to a massage, a meal, a warm bath, a tender touch…” Then do it that way. Relate to yourself as you would to your lover and focus on the giving and the receiving self while doing it. When you pamper yourself, love yourself more…not less!
Taste the food you eat today. Food is a given every day. Sometimes we enjoy it, sometimes we rush it, sometimes we neglect it and sometimes we abuse it. Think of how you would like for someone you love to enjoy the food they eat, or to enjoy when they eat with you. Then do it with the most important person in your life. Yourself! Make each meal a complete sensory experience. No matter if it is a sip of coffee, a sandwich, or a decadent piece of chocolate. Celebrate your life by indulging in the taste of food. When you eat, love yourself more…not less!
When you are upset at yourself today, treat yourself as you would a 6-year-old child. Notice how you speak or treat yourself when you feel you made a mistake. Then evaluate if you would speak or treat a 6-year-old child that way. If the answer is no, then change your reaction to a more loving one. As an adult your main responsibility is to re-parent yourself. Do it in the best possible way this time. Be the best mom or the best dad you could ever be with the most important person in your life. When you make a mistake, love yourself more…not less!
Indulge in the experience of giving and receiving touch. In our adulthood a sad and common experience is to spend extended periods of time either: 1) without receiving or giving human touch at all; Or 2) without receiving or giving human touch in the ways our body needs it in order to experience safety, love, and connection. Nonetheless, we forget that we can use tenderness when we touch another person just as much as we can use it when we touch ourselves. What if we started by gently caressing our hands and arms? By lovingly touching the shape of our face as we gently caress it with our fingertips. If we lovingly moved our hand around our legs, our feet, our belly….and in doing so, experience the magic of love as both the giver and the receiver of touch. When needing touch, love yourself more, not less…
When you feel lonely, reconnect with yourself. The most common experience in life is one of loneliness.
We desperately search for people, experiences, activities, or things to make us feel connected. And that makes sense! Without the experience of connection, we feel the deep and painful experience of emptiness. But that void we call loneliness is nothing but the experience of disconnection from ourselves. When feeling the emptiness of loneliness, turn around and cocoon into your own presence while activating your multi-sensory experience: Nurture the part of you that feels upset and lonely, as you would comfort a 6-year-old that feels lonely; Touch your skin lovingly, hug yourself as you would hold someone you adore!; Look at yourself and fall in love with the image in the mirror; eat a meal mindfully, indulging in your own sensory experience; Do onto you as you wish someone did! When feeling lonely, love yourself more, not less…